Heartwriter’s Blog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Silent Treatment by J.G. McGlothern May 28, 2009

Filed under: motherhood,writer mom — heartwriter @ 4:28 am
Tags: , , , ,

Why is it that we run away from what we need the most?

Even though I crave silence and need it sometimes more than sleep, I don’t always know how to achieve it, let alone know what to do with it when I get it. So then I fill up the silent moment with busyness, random senseless movement. I know for a fact, I need part of my day to include solitude, aloneness, a period of stillness. Quiet.

Does this happen consistently? Not exactly. Do I continue to strive toward this reality? You bet.

Today for example, I had the not so common occurrence of NO CHILDREN at home for more than six hours. You should have seen my list. Oh, the things I was going to accomplish. I started the morning with the kids sleeping in longer than usual. I seized the moment and meditated. I got in ten minutes of stillness, before the dog whined to be let in and the children woke up. 10 MINUTES IS HUGE. Ask any parent, right? That minuscule amount of time felt like manna from heaven. I was able to attend to the dog without bitterness and the children without bitchiness. Probably heaven for them as well.

Then later in the morning, with no one home but me, I had this gigantean amount of time. One would call it FREEDOM. I started to freak a bit. Do I start at the top of the list? In the middle? Close my eyes and point? Know what I did? I listened to the still small, oh so DIVINE voice within me and went outside to our deck. I faced the chair toward the sunshine and sat. Oh, the birds. Oh, the silence. Totally golden. Delicious. I still accomplished plenty on the list to be satisfied but I realized that the most important thing wasn’t even on the list.

Why did I surrender today? Perhaps my soul was tired of all the false starts and was finally ready to be still. All the attempts, all the fantasies about having more silence in my day came to fruition. As a result I was more present to everyone I encountered the rest of the day. I didn’t hit a down, depressed feeling. I didn’t feel guilty, confused, bitter. I felt like I hit that point I am always striving for, the point of balance.

Advertisements
 

2 Responses to “Silent Treatment by J.G. McGlothern”

  1. Sukie Curtis Says:

    Bravo! Or I should day, Brava! Wise woman to listen to the small voice and sit in the sunshine, with birds, and silence. See my latest blog tale, “How Not to Play,” for the complete opposite!! Of course, I wasn’t alone at home…would I have chosen differently had I been alone?
    Who knows! But I will tuck your story away for next time I’m tempted to do to town on the list when I have the chance for solitude and rest. xoxo

  2. charlotte Says:

    This entry spoke to me in volumes. I usually struggle between getting “stuff” accomplished and taking time for myself during those kid-free periods. Usually the stuff wins out and I always feel conflicted. Recently, I started my free days w/ a latte and the NYTimes followed by morning yoga before attacking errands and projects. I was defently more focused, energized and oh so much happier. \”/


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s