Today at school drop off another parent commented to me, Oh, you have an empty nest now with your youngest in kindergarten. How does that feel?
To tell the truth I don’t know yet because I haven’t created the space to swim in this new phase, be in it, feel it. School just started last week and I highly anticipate that I will feel the spaciousness of the quiet nest more this week. Last week with only three days of school I filled those six hour days with doing, volunteering in the class room, meeting friends, attending a yoga class, walking the dog, wading through email, assisting in coaching. It was all movement with no space for stillness. No room for emptiness. For I know it is in the quiet moment, the space of time to breathe, the juncture to be, that I will feel what it really feels like to have my baby in school — to not have a child at home with me.
We often fill up space so that we don’t have to feel or because frankly those feelings can be scary. Right now I’m feeling like there is too much to do that I haven’t had the time to create that stillness. To stand in the empty spot. I am craving a handful of moments to be with the feelings of having an empty nest. Or am I? If I am craving it so badly why am I letting the space of time fill up, instead of leaving room?
What would my feelings look like if I made some room for them to surface? Would I be scared of this time by myself? Would I feel guilty for this new freedom? Lonely? Or would I feel completely thrilled and elated and then not know where to go from there?
It is waiting for me. I will leave room for the stillness and step into the empty spot to find out what is awaiting my discovery.
By J.G. McGlothern