I have the honor of officiating a wedding next weekend. A duty I do not take lightly. I pour a lot of energy into my preparation. I will be thinking about it, writing and rewriting the ceremony, meditating and praying for the couple and for the details to be taken care of and fully anticipating, all week long.
I warned my family today, “I will have a lot on my mind this week and may seem preoccupied and focused, just know that I am preparing for the wedding body, mind and soul. I will need help and patience and I will do my best to be present.“
I will be breathing it in and surrendering the details to God. I will have moments of forgetting to surrender, so I will wig out, then I will come back and let go again.
As I spoke my words to my family they acknowledged my need to go within, to check out at times and my need for their cooperation and pitching in around the house.
There have been many times when I check out without explaining. That’s when assumptions are made. Hubby often checks out on Sunday nights, talking to himself about his week’s plan, going through his responsibilities. When he reminds me of this, I don’t assume I have done something wrong or that he is mad, I know that he is just quiet and that is what he needs. And if I am not sure and don’t understand his quietness, I ask.
The couple I will be marrying do not share the same first language. When they communicate they may not share the same words but they share what is even more important, commitment, desire and patience. I see the fact that they come from different language backgrounds as a gift, as a great advantage, for it takes away the natural inclination to assume. They search for words together, they engage deeply.
My hubby and I share the same first language and often don’t understand each other or don’t “hear” the other. We often disengage when we are not “hearing” the other.
The times I’ve met the engaged couple there is a deep commitment that yes comes from their love for each other. And with that love comes patience, kindness and a willingness to hang in there even when we are misunderstood.
This whole communication thing is something I don’t take lightly. Speaking to my hubby, children, friends and all those I value relationships with takes a commitment. With that commitment comes the willingness to listen, to hang in there in moments of confusion and to not only pour my energy into it but to pour it with love.
by J.G. McGlothern