I had a spiritual lesson Saturday morning. Some call this self-awareness discovery an ‘aha’.
I have made a recent commitment to myself to wake up every morning before the rest of the household, and write for an hour. Well, I woke up early but I didn’t write. I checked email and FaceBook. I proceeded to spend a really long time answering a business email. I wanted to be prompt in my response. I was showing up for this other person, not to myself. The only person placing urgency on replying to the email right then was me.
After spending nearly twenty minutes composing my thoughts I somehow hit a button that caused my email response to disappear. Vanish in mid-air. I tried to bring it back. Twitching my nose like Bewitched did not work. It was gone.
I swore, waving my arms about. I cried in the shower.
Then I got over it.
That is when I received my lesson, my little aha. I gave away my time to write by listening to the “should” voice. Writing needs to happen first thing otherwise it won’t happen at all. By honoring my commitment to myself I am not only showing up, I am saying YES to the creative process, to life.
For four years now, I have been “writing” my book and the only way it will get written is by showing up to a blank page and filling it. Not by throwing away the gift of time I have to write.