Some how I forget this from week to week, but my ten year old son can have a difficult transition time from the weekend to Monday. Since I never remember this, when he blows up at me this morning as we are heading out the door to catch the bus, I am caught off guard. That says something for being in the present moment and not assuming how others will react.
My pack-rat lovely boy decided to pack an extra pair of tennis shoes and an additonal sweatshirt in his back pack today. Not to mention the already extra pair of socks and underwear he keeps in the third pocket of his back pack. Don’t ask. It’s not raining. I won’t be making him sleep on the streets tonight or walking long distances. Apparently he likes to be prepared.
This made fitting his lunch box into his back pack extra tricky. When I offered my zipping up skills, biting my lip as to how over packed he was for a “day” trip to school which is only six hours, I allegedly messed everything all up and “made him” miss the bus. Don’t ask.
Instead of doing what I have done in the past after he yells, throws, screams and threatens to not go to school, I remained calm. Calm as a fucking cucumber. Didn’t flinch. Using my soothing, but not annoying relaxed voice as I told him, “No worries, on missing the bus, I can drive you when you are ready to go.”
Ten minutes of being mad and believing it was his mother’s fault for trying to zip up the back pack making him late left him in a puddle of tears.
Continuing to feel my feet on the floor, breathe slowly and not lose my cool, I responded with love. Sure I have responded with fear, yelling, drama and chaos in the past. But I KNEW, from practice, that would do nothing.
Driving to school he apologized, asked if we could do our morning routine of sharing our “words for the day” and spoke exactly what I was thinking, but choosing to keep buttoned lipped.
“Mama, I over reacted. I’m tired from the weekend and I do what I always do…blame others.”
WOW. I had that very thought about the blaming part but if I would have stated that in the crazy morning moment, I would have been reacting. Reacting out of protection of my feelings and wanting to be right.
It didn’t matter if he thought I “made him” late. What matters about all this, is I remembered to stay grounded so that he could find his ground again. What matters is that I love him even when he yells at me and that by staying in my love and grace for him the chaotic moment didn’t last forever.
“Mama,” he went on. “You didn’t ruin my day like I said you did and I am glad we had a longer bit of time together. Thanks for staying calm and being my mom.”
That’s the part that matters. Drama over. Love prevails. And who knows, next Monday could be totally different.
Jenny Gwinn McGlothern is a Certified Transformational Master Life Coach, Retreat Leader and Writer. She is also a co-facilitator at Seattle Life Coach Training (www.seattlelifecoachtraining.com) You can find her on FaceBook, http://www.FaceBook.com/MamaNeedsARefill or visit her website: http://www.mamaneedsarefill.com