I need to go buy a new pencil sharpener. I am blowing through all the plastic ones in the house with my new Anger Project.
Huh?, you wonder. Anger what? Anger Project.
It’s been building and is coming together as something really quite revolutionary. I can feel it and I’m only half way there.
It probably began way back when I was a little girl. The anger not the project. Living in a home with a mentally ill father I learned to stuff my feelings whatever they were, into a tightly knit ball and then promptly shoved it under my bed. (Figuratively speaking of course.)
Fast forward forty something years to last Wednesday in yoga class when I learned something for the first time. Very well could have heard it before, but didn’t learn it until that moment flat on my back in the middle of yoga class.
“Our hips hold our emotions,” my yoga instructor tells us.
My ears perked up like a dog hearing his name being called for supper.
Hips. Emotions. This flat bone that makes up part of my pelvic girdle definitely doesn’t lie if it’s where I’m very possibly storing my unresolved feelings. It’s been barking at me for some time now. (Giving the phrase, “these hips don’t lie”, an entirely different meaning.) I have been working on healing a sore hip since last Thanksgiving through physical therapy, massage and yoga. Here is one thing I have not tried, getting my emotions out of my body. Oh, of course I have yelled, that hasn’t helped. I’m talking about getting it out in a whole new way, hence my Anger Project.
When I learned the whole emotions in the hips thing on Wednesday, I thought about it a lot and on Friday night sitting in the bath I was sad, really really sad. That’s when the idea struck me. Write it out, Jenny. I stepped out of the bath, toweled off and grabbed my journal and pencils. I began at the top of the page with, I’m so mad and I’m so sad….. I filled in the blanks and took it from there. I only stopped writing when the pencil wore out and I needed to pick up a sharper one. Three pencils, 17 pages and 53 minutes later I felt emptied of my anger. At least the anger I was in touch with during that moment in time, that 53 minute moment in time.
I wasn’t sure exactly what the next step would be but I knew it would come to me.
The next morning I asked my kids if I could borrow their colored pencils, they have a million. On the dining room table I spread out the pencils and opened to the first of the 17 filled anger pages and began to color. I colored like I have never colored before. I transformed the first page into a kaleidoscope of sorts instead of a page of rantings, frustrations, deep seeded anger and sadness. One page at a time I changed my words into artwork by coloring over the penciled words from the night before. I have completed 7 pages. Each page with its own title written over the colored pencil in black pen. Change, Transformation, Possibility, Love, Abundance, Prosperity, Visualize. I can’t wait to see the 10 other pieces of artwork that are waiting to be created. One page at a time. A work in progress.
The cool thing, the revolutionary thing is everything I wrote down feels lighter. I have been responding in a new way to things that would normally piss me off. I feel heard. I am not hiding or ignoring angers from the past for now they are artwork. Beyond that I have new awareness. I am unraveling lessons from the angers that festered perhaps in my hips. Yes, I am still doing my PT exercises and yoga poses, but there is a shift in my body. My hips aren’t healed of pain completely, but the pain they brought me, brought me to this little anger project. And this little anger project is teaching me, healing me, far beyond my hips.
How can you face an emotion that even if you don’t feel it in your hips it is stuffed down somewhere in your body? Are you willing to transform it into a piece of art?
So many people don’t want to write down their pain for fear of someone finding it. This way all they would see if they even looked under your bed and found it and how dare them if they do, is a piece of beauty, a work of art.
What emotion is ready to bust out of you, to be your teacher, your art therapist, your healer? (Or to get you to buy an electric pencil sharpener like you have been talking about buying for ages now?)
Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach, Retreat Leader and Writer. As founder of my retreat business, Mama Needs A Refill, LLC, one way I know I fill my cup is by showing up to a blank page to write. Thank you for stopping by and reading my Random Monday Thoughts, because I will be honest that fills my cup too, knowing others are reading my filled page. Life is too short to blog about anything else unless it touches my heart. Please know I appreciate you joining me on this journey whether you visit every week since I began in 2008 or this is your first blog stop.
Interested in life & spiritual coaching or want to learn more about my retreats in Seattle, please find me on FaceBook, www.FaceBook.com/MamaNeedsARefill or visit my website: www.mamaneedsarefill.com)