Heartwriter’s Blog

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Randomness from the Heart: I Lose it Sometimes August 24, 2017

Filed under: From The Heart — heartwriter @ 6:39 pm

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Last time I showed up to this space was mid May. I wanted a break, some space in between the weekly random Monday posts. I am back with the intention to be even more random than before, and not necessarily posting on Monday’s, but to always post from the heart.

Generally even keel, typically forgiving, regularly able to go with the flow, I pop my cork and lose all sense of stability when someone honks their horn at me. I see it as a personal affront and react like a bottle rocket whose fuse has just been lit.

The other day stopped at a red light I contemplated taking a free right once I had clearance, but I noticed a man standing in the crosswalk, waiting to cross the street. I waited, too.  The driver behind me honked. A quick look in my rear view mirror revealed a teenager behind the wheel. Not sure if it was the mother in me or the neurotic who rolled down the window and shouted back to the driver, “There is someone in the crosswalk and I’m not going to hit them.”

More horn honking. As the light turns green and I watch the pedestrian begin his walk across the street she really lays on her horn and flips me off. Why I am so unglued, I am not sure at this point, but I pull over for everyone’s safety. Timing would have it that at the next red light we are next to each other. I roll down my window and proceed to scold her again part mom part crazy lady.

“I know your mother,” I yell. In truth, I don’t know her mother. I have never seen this young woman before in my life. As she cranks the music, ignoring my rants, I decide to lighten up and I begin to dance to the beat of the music. I raise my hands in the air, part mom dance, total nut case. As the light turns green and she flips me off again, I hang back to get a look at her license plate which like every good mother and psychotic individual.

I shout out her plate number, the ultimate, I’m gonna really get you move.

Wow. What is with the over the top anger? What is behind this?

At home I take some deep breaths. Draw a bath. I begin to question myself like I would one of my life coach clients. Curious about why once again I have allowed someone else’s disappointment, disapproval and judgment  to rattle me so. As the lavender scented bath water grounds me back to this earth, I realize that the horn is my hot button because I see it as someone judging me, pointing me out, disapproving of my actions. Somewhere along my path pleasing others has become a value. Not letting others down has become my hallmark.

At what point is this not serving me? At what point is this sacrificing my own well being?

All labels of mother and lunatic behind me, there in the hot bath I opened up to a new awareness. I was able to shift to gratitude for the impatient teenager. She gave me reason to go deeper and look behind my reaction.  

The next time someone honks their horn at me, I get to practice a new response. Will I ignore it? Will I turn up my own music and start dancing? We shall see. What I do know is because of that little interaction, I get to approve of myself when I think others are not. I get to proceed with self love and acceptance. No horn has to be my hot button, signal of truth or dictator of actions. Rather a signal to come home to myself.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach, Retreat Leader, Writer, Teacher and Seeker. As founder of my retreat business, Mama Needs A Refill, LLC, one way I know I fill my cup is by showing up to a blank page to write. Thank you for stopping by and reading my posts, because I will be honest that fills my cup too, knowing others are reading my filled page. Life is too short to blog about anything else unless it touches my heart. Please know I appreciate you joining me on this journey whether you visit regularly since I began in 2009 or this is your first blog stop.

 

Curious about becoming a life coach or upleveling your life? I am a co-facilitator at Seattle Life Coach Training. The program is transformative, the experience more life giving than words can describe, www.slctseattle.com.

 

Interested in life or spiritual coaching (individuals and couples) or want to learn more about my retreats in Seattle, please find me on FaceBook, www.FaceBook.com/MamaNeedsARefill or visit my website: www.mamaneedsarefill.com. Holding sack lunch mini-retreats since 2009.  The next one on September 15th is sold out but there are openings for January 5, 2018. Contact Jenny, 206 255 0463, to reserve your spot.

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