Heart Beats: On Hearing the Passing of Mary Oliver

 

I remember your small frame walking up to the podium.

From the back row at Benaroya Hall I watched you this mighty poet deliver us all breathless and smiling and laughing and weeping, jaws dropped.

Despite your size you carried a light brighter than a bonfire with more heat than a barn on fire.

It is your poem, The Journey, I have been opening with at every circle gathering of women I facilitate since 2010. It is your life journey as poet that makes me pull out my pen every other year or so and pretend that I too am a poet. It is your invitation asking ‘what will you do with your one wild and precious life?’ that is messaged on my FaceBook page – the very wisdom I ask myself as I sit with my day timer and tea each morning. And on some occasion when I don’t want to get out of bed, your invitation comes to me, urging gently and reminding me that wild and precious are far underused.

I think of you when I walk my dog drumming up my own inspiration, seeking my own muse as Buford and I stop to breathe in the white capped Olympics, the Puget Sound — our private banquet as we feast.

I stumble upon the news of your passing on Instagram. Pretty sure you didn’t have an Insta feed, just another reason why I want to be like you when I grow up.

I checked the Internet, Instagram could be wrong? But there it is, you died yesterday before I had the chance to meet you. Like really meet you, like I have in my mind a hundred times.

We walk the dogs, stumble upon a marsh filled with wild geese and I pull out a poem or two from my pocket over a shared pot of tea, praying that you tell me there is hope, that all I need to do is to keep showing up, keep playing with words on the blank page.

I raced to my bedside and retrieved my copy of Thirst, one of your collection of poems that I gave to six loved ones two Christmases past. I find, When I am Among the Trees, and I sit down to a cup of tea and let your words cover me like a warm blanket.

You left this world quietly like in many ways how you lived. Walking in nature, creating poems out of your heart, spreading light and love and art and grace.

What if we all did that? What if we concerned ourselves with the color of the sky, the wingspan of an eagle, the opening of a rose? What if we watched in wonder, and loved the world back as it loves us with her glorious, unstoppable, breathtaking beauty?

Thank you, thank you Mary Oliver for inspiring me to pretend if even just once in awhile that I too am a poet, that I too get to wonder and live with the question of what I will do with this one wild and precious life. Thank you for reminding me to stand tall beside the trees, spreading my wings like the heron, dreaming under the stars.

You have sent the invitation, now it is up to me to answer.

And you dear reader, what is it you will do with your one wild and precious life? How tall will you stand? How far will you fly? Are your dreams made of stardust?

 

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach, Retreat Leader, Writer, Teacher and Seeker, oh and that’s right–mother of two. As founder of my retreat business, Mama Needs A Refill, LLC, one way I know I fill my cup is by showing up to a blank page to write. Thank you for stopping by and reading my posts, because I will be honest that fills my cup too, knowing others are reading my filled page. Life is too short to blog about anything else unless it touches my heart. Please know I appreciate you joining me on this journey whether you visit regularly since I began in 2009 or this is your first blog stop.

Interested in life or spiritual coaching (individuals and couples) or want to learn more about my retreats in Seattle, please find me on FaceBook, www.FaceBook.com/MamaNeedsARefill or visit my website www.mamaneedsarefill.com. I can always be reached my email: info@mamaneedsarefill.com. Holding sack lunch mini-retreats since 2009.  There are spots open for March 8: Anchored – Creating routines that tether you to what matters. Contact Jenny, 206 255 0463, to reserve your spot.

Heart Beats: Dismantling Attachment

On New Year’s day I dove into the icy cold waters of the Puget Sound with a hundred other strangers in the honorary Polar Plunge activity that seems to be sweeping the nation on the first day of the New Year. Seems utterly ridiculous but those are often the things that call my name – the utterly ridiculous. Some folks are drawn to try things that scare the pants off them and others create bucket lists of things they must do before they die.

 

I seem to operate on a different random calling: it sounds outrageous to others and fun to me, so sure, let’s do it. A year and a half ago on a whim I bungee jumped off a very tall bridge over a very rocky river in B.C. Canada. Then after turning 50 a few months later I decided to take a stand up comedy class and perform in front of 150 strangers, (19 friends showed up for which I am eternally grateful). Recently I quit my life coach teaching job and then last week I not only jumped into the cold water once, but twice. My three year old great niece missed seeing my jump in the first time so I did it again. Both times invigorating, easier than I thought, and super enjoyable.

 

I have always had a spontaneous gene growing steadily next to my genes of practicality and order. The only negative to this experience in the process of jumping in is that I somehow lost a bracelet I have been wearing for over six months. The beautiful stones represented abundance and success and was a gift from a long time dear friend. I didn’t think to remove it and I know I had it on the morning of the plunge but in the photos taken of me after, it is not on my left wrist.

 

That first week of January, on a whim, I decided to move some framed artwork in our bedroom. It was time for the Archangel to be on another wall and time for the moon drawing to take up residence in the hallway. Upon opening our cabinet which stores my nick nacks and jewelry I proceeded to knock over and break not one momento, all special gifts from family or friends, but three: an angel, yoga frog and glass figurine. The wood carved angel had hands over her heart, a gesture I am often doing to ground myself and get present. She was unfortunately beheaded in the fall. A clean break which easily could be super-glued back together. The yoga frog was a symbol that reminded me to be calm, get in touch with my inner zen. “Be the yoga frog”, my kids would say when the frog sat for years on the kitchen window sill. In its tumble to the ground it lost its base–a jagged result that may or may not mend well. The glass figurine was a gift I barely remember giving my mother years ago and recently on her cleaning out she gave it back. The outstretched arms were a perfect resting spot for bracelets and necklaces. In the fall her right arm was severed–another clean break that could likely be mended.

 

In a spontaneous, true to my heart decision I retrieved the garbage can and gave all three things a proper burial thanking them for serving their time on my shelves and in my heart. Things I told myself. As my husband watched me in awe, “things, just things,” I told him.

 

In the morning I recalled the four lost and broken items gone in the first four days of the New Year representing the four states of presence: the bracelet – mental state – my mind believing abundance and success would come my way, the angel – emotional state – honoring what is in my heart, the yoga frog – physical state – moving my body in a way that aligns, strengthens and invigorates and finally the glass figurine – spiritual state, representing Divinity within and outside of me. I chuckled to myself upon this revelation and questioned why I wasn’t sad. I loved these things so why was I not mourning their quick and sudden demise? Was I subconsciously releasing attachments that didn’t serve me any longer?

 

It is too soon to have answers but I do know this: I must honor what is in my mind, heart, body and spirit. I must pause and reflect what is true–releasing what is simply a thing and replaceable. Peeling away the fingers of attachment taking hold in my mind.  I must honor the utterly ridiculous for that is often how my heart speaks to me and calls my name.

 

How does your heart call your name? And most importantly, will you answer?

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach, Retreat Leader, Writer, Teacher and Seeker. As founder of my retreat business, Mama Needs A Refill, LLC, one way I know I fill my cup is by showing up to a blank page to write. Thank you for stopping by and reading my posts, because I will be honest that fills my cup too, knowing others are reading my filled page. Life is too short to blog about anything else unless it touches my heart. Please know I appreciate you joining me on this journey whether you visit regularly since I began in 2009 or this is your first blog stop.

Interested in life or spiritual coaching (individuals and couples) or want to learn more about my retreats in Seattle, please find me on FaceBook, www.FaceBook.com/MamaNeedsARefill or visit my website www.mamaneedsarefill.com. I can always be reached my email: info@mamaneedsarefill.com. Holding sack lunch mini-retreats since 2009.  The next one on March 8th is now sold out but there are available spots for May 10 and June 14. Contact Jenny, 206 255 0463, to reserve your spot.

Heart Beats: True in 2019

A gift from my friend Sonya this Christmas. A reminder to live from the heart. The heart symbol has spoken to me for years and I am starting to see hearts everywhere again even though I released my heart rock collection back into the ocean in 2017. Everything is a circle. Back from where we start.

It has been over a year since I have showed up to this blog space. Today my friend and faithful writing partner Sonya and I have resumed our 12 year practice of tea and writing after taking a one week break over the holidays. It is my turn to host and I get up to heat more water for our tea as she sits across from me penning her thoughts, unfolding her own musings. She is the friend I see the most. I see her more often than some family members. We made a commitment to ourselves, the blank page and each other 12 years ago and we keep showing up Thursday after Thursday.

 

This HeartWriter blog began back in 2009 and I see that I didn’t show up at all in 2018. Today out of nowhere I decided to come back. I make no promises. We will see what unfolds. Thanks for showing up.

 

This randomness of showing up here today feels true and TRUE is my word for 2019. I have had many words over the last decade – Believe, Awake, Focus, Peace, Wholeness –  choosing one word as my theme and intention for the entire year. I take the month of December to reflect on where I want to go, how I want to live and who I want to be in the next year. This year didn’t take much time, the word chose me easily. I was sitting down with my dear friend Shelly mid-December and I was sharing my idea to choose authenticity for 2019. She too, picks a word each year. Shelly asked me a great question when I shared I didn’t necessarily want Authentic as my word but the idea and feeling to reflect authenticity.

 

“What are synonyms of authentic?”, she wisely inquired.

 

I could only come up with Real. She offered, “TRUE.”

 

“Oooh, I like that.” I continued feeling it out and TRUE kept finding me. In quotes, songs, conversation.

 

I choose to live TRUE not because I have been living falsely but because I want to go deeper, continue finding my voice and unveiling what is authentically me. I choose to make choices out of love over fear, walk in the direction that is calling my name, and listen to what wants to be honored. This word for the year is so utterly personal finding words to express it fall flat on my tongue.

 

Each day I will notice when I am not living, acting and participating in life the way I truly desire or feels good. In that moment of awareness I will make a choice to shift my behaviour without shame or judgment. If I catch myself mindlessly scrolling on social media when I am bored or directionless and the action is not feeding me, I will put down the phone and ask, “What is TRUE right now?”

 

The answers could change over the same situation. If the mindless scrolling is leaving me empty, causing me to compare or I am just doing it to do it and it is not providing joy or inspiration I will stop. If I am finding connection, motivation, wisdom, fun and joy then I will allow myself to continue as long as it truly is something I want to be doing.

 

At our NYE small gathering when I shared with one friend that TRUE was going to be my word for the New Year he asked with curiosity, “Don’t you already live this way? You strike me as totally authentic living your way quite genuinely.”

 

I tried to explain that it’s not that I am unauthentic, authenticity is one of my natural gifts, but that I wanted to expand this even further. Make choices, speak words, walk the direction that wholeheartedly declare my truth. I will continue to unravel the word as I have an entire year to do so.

 

As of right now, I will heat more water, listen to what is calling my name next and be fully grateful for the evolving meaning of what it means to live true.

 

Photo taken New Year’s Day 2019, Polar Plunge, Alki Beach, West Seattle. The tree pose is my grounding mudra that brings me home and centers me.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach, Retreat Leader, Writer, Teacher and Seeker. As founder of my retreat business, Mama Needs A Refill, LLC, one way I know I fill my cup is by showing up to a blank page to write. Thank you for stopping by and reading my posts, because I will be honest that fills my cup too, knowing others are reading my filled page. Life is too short to blog about anything else unless it touches my heart. Please know I appreciate you joining me on this journey whether you visit regularly since I began in 2009 or this is your first blog stop.

Interested in life or spiritual coaching or want to learn more about my retreats in Seattle, please find me on FaceBook, www.FaceBook.com/MamaNeedsARefill or visit my website www.mamaneedsarefill.com. Holding sack lunch mini-retreats since 2010.  The next one on January 11th is sold out but there are openings for March 8th, 2019. Contact Jenny, 206 255 0463, to reserve your spot.