Hope is the Thing with Feathers — Hope Part I by J.G. McGlothern

The second poem I have pretty much committed to memory is by one of my favorite poets, Emily Dickinson…

Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune–without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

I’ve been wanting to write about Hope, seemed like a natural follow-up to Tears, Laughter, and Dreams, but wasn’t sure where to start.

As parents we go through the whole hope process from the beginning.  We hope we’ll get pregnant or that the adoption will go through.  We hope for a safe delivery, healthy child, good child care, getting into a certain pre-school, making friends, eating their veggies, learning how to read.  We hang on to our hopes so tightly we forget to let go and leave room for grace.

In our hoping we have lost faith.  There isn’t any room for anything to perch in our soul – we haven’t even left room for air.  The ego has taken over and smashed out room for possibility.

Is hope perching in your soul?  Is there room for light?  Room for possibility?  Just one big breath, than another and there will be room.  Trust me.

Day Dream Believin’ — Dreams Part IV by J.G. McGlothern

I have two poems that I have memorized in my life, give or take a line or word or two…one of them is the one below by Shel Silverstein:

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper

A prayer, a magic bean buyer…

Come in, Come in,

for we have some flax golden tales to spin.

Come in.

What an invitation. What a delight.  This is the first poem that invites the reader into Where The Sidewalk Ends, by Shel Silverstein.  It came to me after pondering on dreams last week.  I think one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children is to show them that we dream too.  Children are already blessed with great imaginations, so they have the dreaming part down.  My son wants to be a Cooker, a rock star, a jockey and a dinosaur teacher.

My daughter has watched me act on my dream of becoming a writer.  She will even ask at the end of the day, Did you write today Mama?

It is never too late to start dreaming and breathing life into our dreams.

Make a Wish — Dreams Part III by J.G. McGlothern

Let’s not forget about the other kind of dreams.  The when you’re awake, keep you going, having faith kind of dreams.  Those essential dreams in life.  We can’t always decipher our sleeping dreams but our dreams for real life keep us going, give us purpose.

When I was a child I wanted to be an actress.  I practiced the Pearl Drops commercial daily in front of the bathroom mirror, put on shows for my family and was Glenda the Good Witch in our 6^th grade production of The Wizard of Oz.

At age 27 I took my first acting class.  Enough said.

I no longer have dreams to be famous nor the desire to work as hard as actors have to work, and let’s not even mention my natural abilities or lack there of…but I still fantasize about being on stage.  So my acting dream is not dead.  I may take another class in the future.  I may try out for something local.  The dream keeps me interested in movies and live theatre, the dream keeps me moving forward and living in the possibility.

Dreams don’t have to be large.  And I have a million of those. Bet you do too. Before I had children I had the dream of sitting around the table most nights with my family and enjoying our meals together.  That dream has become reality.  I worked at it, didn’t give in, created it.  One of my favorite family times is sitting around the dinner table.  We take turns with grace.  Our son entertains us with his words of wisdom, cracks us up.  Our daughter tells about her day, sharing her life away from us while she is at school.  My husband and I share a bit about our days, the appropriate parts, I keep swearing out of the conversation, OF COURSE.  We share, listen, connect…are a family.  I am living that dream and am so grateful.

As a mom, we can forget about our dreams…I have mentioned this before, and this is why I started this blog.  Just because we give, and give, and give…doesn’t mean we can’t reach for our dreams.

So I challenge you, dear reader…what are the little dreams you have given up on since becoming a parent?  Take them out, dust them off, then breathe life into them.  I dare you.  I double dog dare you.

Catch Me If You Can — Dreams Part II by J.G. McGlothern

When I was little, all of my nightmares had animals in them. A squirrel bit off my hand, I was swallowed by a goldfish, and a bull chased me home. I can recount these dreams I had when I was six years old like I just dreamt them last night. I can play back the movie in my brain and relive the same feelings I had when I dreamt those dreams 36 years ago.

As a child my mom used to tell me I shouldn’t eat anything right before bed because that would make me have crazy dreams. I brought crackers to bed with me when she wasn’t looking.

Hence the squirrel, goldfish and bull visited me in my dreams. Even as an adult I believed my mom and had a spoonful of peanut butter or a handful of chocolate chips before bed so I could have crazy dreams. Hence, Brad Pitt and Michael Jordan.

A few weeks ago my daughter and I had virtually the same dream one night apart. The bear visited me first. I never shared the dream with my daughter because the scene alone was scary, although I was undisturbed by it. In the dream the bear kidnapped my son and clawed my husband’s back. The crazy part…I was calm in the dream, not worried and when I woke I didn’t think I had a nightmare just a bizarre dream. The next night my daughter woke my husband up in the middle of the night. She had had a nightmare. A bear was chasing her daddy and little brother. She was frightened and he had to crawl into bed with her to calm her back down. I was oblivious to it all, asleep, probably dreaming about Michael Jordan and Brad Pitt.

Bears represent introspection. When they show up in dreams this can have various meanings dependent on what is going on with the dreamer and especially when one dreamer is age 7 and the other 41. The bear provoked opposite feelings in each of our dreams, but did pretty much the same thing. He represented different messages perhaps. What can the bear teach us both? More for me to ponder in this full life.

Dream Catcher — Dreams Part I by J.G. McGlothern

In my night time – out cold – snoring deep R.E.M  sleep – dreams, I’ve slept with most of my husband’s friends and many of my girl friend’s husbands.  The number of affairs I’ve had makes Hollywood look prudish.  I’ve even slept with Brad Pitt and Michael Jordan.  But the dreams have nothing to do with the sex…they have to do with the feelings I am feeling when I am in my dream.  I am cheating on my real life husband in these dreams, and I always regret it.  Duh.  Even in real life when people have affairs, they typically regret it. 

The point and the message here isn’t about me having dreams about cheating on my husband, the point is what are these dreams telling me?  Who am I really cheating?  They say, often the individuals in our dreams represent ourselves.  And I swear every time I have the affair dream it’s during a time in my life when I am not carving out time for myself.  I’m cheating myself out of valuable “me time.” There was a time period where my husband would ask when I woke up..…Well, who was it last night?  The affairs of my dreams were representing the fact that I wasn’t making time for myself during the day.

I’m no dream doctor, I don’t even play one on TV, but it’s fun to play around with the meaning of my dreams.  I have a few dream books, I consult friends.  One friend recently shared that it’s the belly button of the dream that matters.  In other words, at the core, at the center of the dream, what is the message, the lesson, the nugget? What are you being taught in that dream?

At the beginning of one of my favorite kid’s movies, Kung Fu Panda, Po dreams about being the Dragon Warrior.  It has been his fantasy, his fascination.  In real life, he indeed becomes the Dragon Warrior learning the secret doesn’t lie in a scroll but within. I’m like Po, totally fascinated, not about Kung Fu, but about dreams.

The woman who married my husband and I, would often center her sermons from the pulpit around her night time dreams. God was speaking to her in her unconscious state.  God working through us in our sleep – that makes sense to me, we don’t listen when we’re awake so he might as well try when we’re sleeping.  And having multiple affairs certainly is going to get my attention.  The one time I dreamt I had an affair with my husband, my real life, laying next to me in bed, husband…he was ecstatic.  Finally, he had made the list in my dreams.

Often I will have a dream, and have no clue of its meaning.  Finding the belly button of it is baffling.  So I try to focus on the feelings I was having…worried, relaxed, sad, joyous…then I see what lesson is in that for me.  Many times it’s just night time entertainment and I have no idea in hell what a dream is about…I just have faith, that God is trying to communicate something to me, trying to breathe life into these subconscious thoughts, trying to wake me up.

Game On Again by J.G. McGlothern

Five weeks ago, I wrote about the healthy challenge seven other moms and myself were taking on. We committed ourselves to giving up bad habits, drinking three liters of water a day, getting a good night of sleep, eating five small meals a day, exercising twenty minutes a day, etc., for one month.

We survived.  We lost pounds, gave up bad habits that we no longer miss, lost cravings for junk food, got more rest than normal.  But most of all we supported each other.  We rooted each other on even when we were on opposing teams.  We checked in daily with each other, so we could bitch and moan about eating one more piece of celery or how we didn’t know how to fit in exercise for that day, because our husbands were out of town. 

We listened.  I guess we were really being present to one another.  Wow, no wonder I am doing it again.

Four of us, are at it again, starting tomorrow.  Only this time, I’m changing my bad habit of swearing in front of my kids to taking vitamins. ‘Cause damnit, that’s how I lost points the last time. I lost points for saying SHIT in front of my kids.  One time. That sucks, huh? So this time, I’m taking another route.  I’m popping pills instead of cussing when the kids are around.

And the new good habit? Five minutes of meditation, DAILY. I get one day off a week, and if I don’t do it the other six days I lose points.  Big points.  I’m taking vitamins and meditating.  One pill, one breath at a time.

I heard it takes twenty one days to make a habit.  That must be why the kids aren’t getting much change from me lately for their piggy banks.  I’m saving up the swearing for my girlfriends and blog readers, instead.  And if you think, that should be my new bad habit to give up, MOTHER… well, I’m just not ready for that.  Give me celery, whole wheat bread, enough water to make me piss like a race horse, but don’t take away my truck driver mouth.

Do You Hear What I Hear? — Living in the Present Part III by J.G. McGlothern

Many years ago I went through training to become a Cabrini Minister.  (A volunteer in the Catholic Community.) The number one thing I got out of that experience was the education I received on LISTENING.  The lessons are life giving.

Before the training I thought I was a really great listener.  The truth is I put a lot of energy into looking like a good listener.  Big difference.  I would make sure my eyes were open big and wide, my head was bobbing up and down and while the other person was speaking I was forming words in my head, ready to give big advice.

Most people don’t want big advice, if they do, they ask.  Mostly people just want to be listened to – to be really heard.

There is no greater gift than to be truly heard.  That is so different than being understood and sometimes right in the moment of it all, being heard is all you need.

One Word, One Breath — Living in the Present Part II by J. G. McGlothern

I have mentioned before that we often fight against what we need the most.  That’s why it’s worth mentioning again.  DUH!  My in motion personality craves stillness, longs for quiet, treasures solitude.  In the past the thought of sitting still made me crazy yet I hungered for it down to the marrow in my bones. 

The whole meditation process peaked my curiosity, called my name, but seemed so untouchable for my nature.  I would see a woman sitting cross legged in a crowded train station, eyes closed, oblivious to the buzz of people around her and think, That is so cool.  I would see a man at the beach sitting on a log, toes in the sand, eyes closed in his own world and think, I want to be able to do that.

I have met people who practice meditation and have learned some of the tools of the trade, giving me guidance to pave my own way.

I don’t practice twice daily for twenty minutes at a time…but I am working toward that dream.  Realistically, right now in my life, I practice once a day for seven minutes to fifteen minutes, oh maybe once every two weeks.  But next week I might have a new average.  Just yesterday, in a waiting room, I logged three minutes!

I start with five minutes. I set the kitchen timer. Sit in my living room in my favorite comfy chair, feet planted on the floor, eyes closed.  I choose one word.  Usually the word represents what I need the most at that moment: love, peace, or calm.  Then as I seek connection and stillness I can go back to that word and my breath if I get distracted.  And yes, I get distracted every time.  It doesn’t matter that I had a hard time emptying my mind, clearing out the muck.  What matters is that I showed up.  I don’t judge the hundreds of thoughts that swarm my mind.  I see them, dismiss them and watch them float by as I breathe in one, surrender, or trust.

 It’s amazing how the simple act of breathing can bring you so present, so aware, so in the NOW.

 

Firmly Planted — Living in the Present Part I by J.G. McGlothern

Eckhart Tolle’s, The Power of Now has been sitting on my night stand for about a year now.  I dust it off semi-regularly, noticing its presence, aware that the stack of books on top of it just keeps getting taller and taller.  I’ve read chunks of it and like it.  His words can be heady, but his message is so important, so close to my heart, so where I am NOW in my life.

Known as the girl who can’t sit still, I have had a deep desire growing inside of me, for some time, to learn how to be in the present moment. The queen of multi-tasking, the planner, the gal in her head, the woman on the move – I was wired to be in motion.  The daughter of a mover and a shaker mother, I came by it honestly.  I learned recently from author Bruce Lipton, “that genes do not control biology” and that they are simply “a blue-print.”  So I can’t blame my busyness on my mother.  Damn.  It’s up to me to let God work through me, to learn how to be in the NOW. 

Author, Cheryl Richardson suggests asking yourself, Where are my feet right now?  This act gets us focused on the present.  At one point she put little heart stickers around her house to remind her to be present.  She would see a little pink heart and think…Where are my feet?  Grounding her to the present.

Typically when I am stressed out I am unaware of where my feet are and my head is back in the past or forward in an unknown future.  I am going to try this and see where it takes me.  My desire is to be in the NOW and nothing makes it more difficult to be centered in the present and simultaneously nothing makes it easier to be aware of the present, then being a parent.

This morning when my daughter was not liking her choice of rain jackets and the time for us to head out the door was past, I was right there.  Present.  My feet were dressed in rain boots, standing right in front of her, while I was doing my very best to breathe out calmness, choose loving words, be present to her frustration.  Other days with the same scenario I couldn’t tell you where my feet were.  More than likely behind my daughter, pointing toward the front door while the rest of me was screaming, We are late, let’s go, pick any coat, buck up sister.

We got to school on time, our feet walking together out the door.  Breathing together not yelling or crying. I love you mama, she said, as she turned to point her feet in my direction.  Then I watched as her feet carried her forward to another day of second grade.  Right then my feet were still dressed in rain boots, right foot on the brake pedal, left foot resting, ready, present.

Disappointment by J.G. McGlothern

Not a pretty word.  No fun catchy way to introduce it in a title other than calling a spade a spade.

Fact number one: we will be disappointed in our lives.

Fact number two: we will disappoint others in our lives.

Fact number three: It is up to us to direct what we do with that disappointment.  We can wallow in it. Hell, we can throw a pity party.  Bitch, moan, gripe, eat a pint of ice cream.  Will any of those actions make us feel better?  Maybe briefly.  But not in the long run.

I had an appointment with someone today who means a lot to me. I value their opinion, expertise and wisdom.  They were a no-show.  So I acknowledged my disappointment, then went deeper.  What was the grace in this?  What was my lesson?  I had to ask for the fortitude to move forward.  In many ways, I depend too much on others guidance and inspiration to help me move forward.   I need to fall in love with MY abilities, MY strengths, MY gifts, MY challenges and gather up strength and make the choice to not become paralyzed. I need to stop telling myself that I can only move forward with the help of others.

I have what I need inside of me. Yes, sometimes I need others to point that out.  Yes, I need acknowledgement from others that I am moving in the right direction. Yes, we need each other.  But by only believing in others ideas for myself I am giving up on my own power. 

I believe Divine wisdom lives in all of us.  Believing in the Divine wisdom of others starts with believing in the Divine wisdom of myself.

I wish that was as easy as eating a bowl of ice cream.  It’s really more like planting the vanilla bean seed and creating a recipe from scratch.  But how much better that ice cream will taste when I learn to appreciate the whole process.  The planting, the watering, the waiting, the sprouting, the harvesting, the churning, the waiting some more and then the beauty of the gifts that come from the whole experience, not just the finished product in the bowl.